Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s here now, writing to you.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

What caused North Korea to go poor when at first it was rich?

You are like me, then.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Compass psilocybin therapy shown to be effective in largest-ever study in depression - STAT

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Person With Deadly Virus Visited Popular Hudson Valley Restaurant - Hudson Valley Post

I had run out of hope.

I was tired of trying and failing.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Why do people with trauma easily recognize other people with trauma through eye contact?

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

And the sadness?

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

I saw a post on X which says "control your lust & you'll understand how boring 90% of women are." What do you think about it? Do you agree or disagree? Why?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Chinese spacecraft prepare for orbital refueling test as US surveillance sats lurk nearby - SpaceNews

Be who you already are.

It’s still here.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Do you even realise that NASA could've hid or bury every single piece of evidence for a flat-earth and exaggerate their evidence? Have you ever question materialist scientific narratives?

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Rafael Devers Made Worst Announcement For Red Sox Fans - Sports Illustrated

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Hailee Steinfeld Marries Bills QB Josh Allen - The Hollywood Reporter

I was tired of fighting.

The sadness was still there.